Beware. This may be the theme of my blogs for the next few weeks. I accept the fact I am old. I accept the fact that I’m crazy. However, there’s not a damn thing I can do about either, except vent my frustrations in my blog.

At this stage in life, my patience is on the last train to Clarksville. I can’t bear speaking with customer service representatives who are stationed halfway around the world and are incapable of understanding my problem. Yesterday, I had Ticketmaster tickets to an event and was on the phone with some guy in India trying to figure out how to download them. Yes, I realize any ten-year-old could have easily solved my issue, but I tried and failed. At one point during our 57-minute conversation, I resorted to crying. (What else is a gal to do?) “Just email me the friggin’ tickets, so I can print them!”

In unintelligible English, he said he couldn’t. “The venue does not accept paper tickets. Go into your search engine, download this, enter the verification number, click on events, do this, do that, X out of that, press this….”

You know the drill. Eventually I did get the tickets but remain clueless about how to transfer them to my Apple Wallet. What the hell is an Apple Wallet anyway? Does it have any money in it? I DON’T CARE!

Another thing that peeves my sanity is jars and bottles. Why can’t I open them? I tap them on the floor, I run hot water on them, I hit them with a hammer to no avail. My pantry is filled with pickles, mayo, and salad dressing I can’t open! But the absolute worst is Gatorade. While I’m still with the program enough to know it was invented for brawny athletes, I have a low sodium deficiency, which requires a daily dose of the gator. Thanks to the hardware store, I finally have the necessary tools to open my elixir: sharp pen knife, rubber hammer, and tin snips. (Wire cutters work too.) Instead of taking at least 45 minutes, I can get the top off in under a half hour.

At my age, though, I learned to accommodate my weakness. I gave up drinking bottled water because I couldn’t unscrew the top, and I only drink soda and beer in flip-top cans. It was either that or go thirsty, or find a strong man who’s computer savvy.

“Ain’t got time for that.”