Accentuate the Positive

In 1944, Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer wrote this title song for the film Here Come the Waves. The lyrics encourage us to: Eliminate the negative, Latch on to the affirmative, Don’t mess with Mr. In-Between. I admit since November 5th it’s been difficult for me to be positive.

As I read the newspaper or the news apps on my phone, all I do is shake my head in total disbelief. Loyalty to a demigod equals a cabinet post, a director position, or an ambassadorship. While this practice also known, as the patronage or spoils system, is not new, it is unfathomable in the 21st Century. (Andrew Jackson ushered in the spoils system of patronage in 1829.) I suspect, though, Jackson didn’t use sexual offense charges and FOX news personalities, as criteria for coveted appointments. Further, by all accounts, the majority of foreign countries are laughing at America for allowing inexperienced, ill-qualified folk to assume national positions. Of course, I could rail on about tariffs, mass immigration, and women’s rights, but what good will it do? The amoral, narcissist maniac will assume office in January.

With Thanksgiving next week, Happy Holiday celebrations around the corner, and the inauguration 56 days away, I’m embracing the Epicurean philosophy–eat, drink, and be merry. Or as the song lyrics say: You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum, Bring down gloom to the minimum, Have faith, Or pandemonium, Liable to walk upon the scene.

Forget the boding pandemonium. Join me in celebrating “the most wonderful time of the year” with exhilaration for the next eight weeks. It may very well be democracy’s final moment. Yet, America survived the lunacy of Andrew Jackson. Accentuate the positive, and best wishes for a festive Thanksgiving!

SEVEN

Last Sunday evening, I began a curious journey with the number seven. According to my horoscope, seven is not one of my supposed lucky numbers, but I put twenty-seven dollars in a slot machine, pushed the reel button, and the lights and bells went off. Wow! I won $7007! Then, I went to dinner, and the bill was $17.77.

After this unusual occurrence, I started thinking about seven–continents, days of the week, notes in a music scale, phases of the moon, and colors of the rainbow. Then came the hills of Rome, wonders of the world, and sister colleges. Even Hollywood portrayed The Magnificent Seven, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and The Seven-Year Itch.

Oh, I forgot to add the seven deadly sins. Damn, I can’t recall: what number is the next POTUS?

When the Frost Is on the Pumpkin

“And the fodder’s in the shock,” a nostalgic poem by James Whitcomb Riley I had to memorize in the fifth grade, and one which I can still recite from memory. From the onset, as a former Ohioan, I’m not a fan of November for several reasons:

First: I absolutely detest pumpkin anything from pie to cookies to lattes! And now Kit Kat bars have been infested with the deadly, smelling orange.

Secondly: Thanksgiving food includes not only pumpkin, but such undesirable food as bitter cranberries and candied yams. OMG! Who in their right mind would “candy” potatoes with marshmallows? Marshmallows belong solely on graham crackers and Hershey bars–duh!

Thirdly: The Presidents of the United States for years have been absolutely correct–pardon the turkey. I can barely swallow its leg meat and am left with copious amounts of dry, tasteless white meat that even gravy can’t help.

Yet, in all fairness to November, it does have some positives. I begin to decorate for Christmas, shop the Black Friday Sales, and schedule holiday gatherings. But the BEST thing about November 2024 is: the election will be over…perhaps and hopefully, peacefully. And yes, I’ll probably lose my right to vote, to have an abortion or IVF, and be forced to provide childcare for my grandchild. So be it. I’ve already lost a number of friends over this election. What will be will be.

Whack-a-Mole

Ever since I was little, I loved the magic of a garden and the joy of picking beans and tomatoes, shucking corn, and searching for the biggest pumpkin. When I moved to Arizona, I tried to replicate a much smaller version of the ones my grandparents had. But unlike their Ohio garden, in Phoenix, I could have both a spring and a fall/winter garden.

Yet, this year high September temperatures prevented me from planting until two weeks ago. (It remains to be seen if it will mature and produce.) And given the late start, I was forced to not use seeds, but mature plants of zucchini, broccoli, and tomatoes. Thanks to an ample supply of horse manure from my neighbor, I meticulously tilled, watered, and firmly set each plant. All was well. Until….

Being Type A, my ingrained-morning routine includes a walk to my garden, where I assess soil moisture, plant growth, etc. Much to my horror and disgust, I discovered some varmint had invaded, dug several holes, and pulled up all of my tomato plants. Damn, damn, damn. Gophers? Moles? Years ago, I’d ordered some solar-powered, sonic pest repellents; I’d try those. Alas, they wouldn’t arrive for two more days, and my garden could be decimated by then. With the help of one of my old campaign signs, a piece of screen, and duct tape, I built a barrier. Viola! It worked. The varmint had vacated.

Curious and curiouser. Suddenly, it occurred to me. Given the random holes in my garden and the uprooting of my plants, it wasn’t a gopher or a mole. It was my cabana gal’s long-legged Bernedoodle, who loves to dig anywhere and everywhere.

Tomorrow, I’ll return my unopened sonic repellents to Amazon.

Don’t Dictate My Diet

On my return flight to Phoenix last week, I had a first class seat. Since it was an early flight, allegedly breakfast would be served. What I was handed was a cardboard box labeled: All Day Vegetarian Meal. When I opened the box, I was stunned.

Four grapes and two blueberries in a cup. A sliver of cheese, two crackers, a slice of Lemon Chia bread, a Chia energy bar, and Chia trail mix. (WTH is Chia anyway, and why is it good for me?) Since when did Americans become a nation of vegetarians? Of course, this event sent me on a search, and what I discovered is approximately 4% of Americans are vegetarians. The math is easy–96% of us eat some kind of meat.

I’ve a young friend who is so committed to her vegetarianism she won’t eat cheese if there’s also meat products on the charcuterie board. Another friend is overtly large, but a vegan. How is that possible? I’d starve to death! Now, I certainly don’t choose my friends based on their dietary habits. They can pick and choose what they eat when they’re at my house.

But the numbers speak for themselves. Why does the airline cater to 4% of the population? Why not, at least, provide a Slim Jim for the rest of us?

Friday Night Lights

I spent this weekend in Houston attending my niece’s 40th birthday party. Though I missed the freshmen football game on Thursday night, another grand nephew is the center for the varsity team and played Friday night.

Now, I’ve never seen a full episode of Friday Night Lights, but I have been to Houston often enough to know about how revered high school football is in Texas. (In fact, currently one district in suburbia has a $69.5 million bond issue on the ballot to build a new stadium to seat 8,000!) As a spectator for the visiting team, I had to buy a ticket on-line. No cash–not even for concessions.

The school parking areas were full when we arrived, and we parked across the street. The police had strategically and conveniently set up a temporary crosswalk to facilitate our entrance. We walked toward the gate and I saw two, semi-trucks and a panel truck with my nephew’s school logo. WTH? The band equipment!

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I spied the stadium. It outshone any small college athletic facility. In fact, I’ve never seen anything in the Phoenix area of that quality! Unfortunately, I can’t share photos of the field due to a mishap. But thankfully, the school district has its own YouTube channel and not only streams each game live, but replays it all weekend. Thus, I watched both half-time performances and the second half. Had I been in the stands, I would never seen my nephew’s snaps up close and personal.

Curiously, Texas ranks 42nd in public school funding, even though 91% of its children attend public schools. Its governor and legislature has embraced funneling public monies to 9% in the name of choice. Clearly the vast majority attend public schools and support athletics, band, and extracurricular activities. Yet…oblah dee, oblah dah.

(Note: Photo is a $70 million, high school football stadium in Allen, TX)

October 2024=0

From Latin for eight, October was indeed the 8th month, until the Julian calendar was adopted. It is national pizza month, with the astrological signs of both Libra and Scorpio. Those born in October are said to be intelligent and passionate and are blessed with hope and good fortune. However, for me, October is a very curious month because this year it’s filled with milestone birthdays!

On October 1, my mother would have turned 100, and she frequently said before she died that she and Jimmy Carter would celebrate together. (Of course, he made it.) Today, the 6th, is my father-in-law’s 100th heavenly birthday. Columbus Day is my eldest niece’s 50th birthday. Three days later is my other niece’s 40th birthday, and six days later is my eldest daughter’s 40th! Whew! Overwhelmed by zeros.

And just when I thought I was done buying birthday cards, one of my friends who recently moved into my guest house said, “As a Chicagoan, I love October’s Harvest Moon and the nip of frost in the air.”

“Welcome to Phoenix. Yes, there may be a Harvest moon, but frost is doubtful.”

She laughed and added, “It’s my birthday month, too!”

Ye Gods! I’m going to own a Hallmark store before this month is over! “What date is your birthday?”

“Halloween.”

I was at a loss for words. Halloween? An obnoxious barb was on the tip of my tongue. I paused and reconsidered. “Well, even though you’re not in the zero club, that’s cause for a big celebration!

“Sue, seventy-four is hardly a milestone birthday.”

“It certainly is!” (She need not know the cause of my exhilaration: the election would be over in five days. That is, if there’s not a two-peat insurrection.)

True Confessions

I started to blog over twelve years ago and focused on the humor of every day life. Over time, I aged, as did my blog, but my values haven’t. On the political front, I truly have no interest in most of the propositions on my ballot, nor even the vast number of candidates vying for power and prestige. However, in the past few years, I’ve grown increasingly concerned by the hateful, rhetoric, name-calling, bold-face lies, and lack of civility. Further, I’m enraged by the enormous amounts of money spent on signs, buttons, and advertising–money that could be used to improve our infrastructure, our government services, health care, environmental concerns, and our school systems.

While all of this is upsetting, I am most disturbed by the emphasis on women. In 1920, the Constitution was amended to guarantee women the right to vote, and on June 24, 2022, the Supreme Court struck down Roe v. Wade. Certainly, I’m too old to need an abortion or access to IVF, but my daughters might and thousands of others in future generations. There is NO legislation that forbids a man from doing what he wants to do with HIS body, but HE wants to legislate MINE! I don’t think so.

However, my final personal insult came this week from my district’s state representative–an openly gay man, who’s running for reelection. Now, it matters not to me who he chooses to sleep with–not my business. What matters to me is his anti-abortion, anti-reproductive rights stance. How dare he say, “I am proudly pro-life?” The courts have certainly protected his rights to marry whomever he wishes, and he doesn’t have to worry about a tubular pregnancy, a molar pregnancy, or a rape pregnancy.

I feel like a child eagerly awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus–removing one link of my red and green paper chain each day in my countdown to Christmas. However, my chain is made from black paper. My countdown is to November 5th. In the meantime, I shall continue to pray for a return to moderation, civility, and sanity that affords women equal rights.

Road Trip

“Do you want to go on a road trip with me, Sue? I’ll drive.” No, I thought. I’ve ridden with her on a few occasions and while her car is luxurious, her driving skills are not the best–in my humble opinion!

“Sure, but I’ll drive.” Now, I’d not been on a road trip as the sole driver for over forty years and had long since forgotten how arduous it can be. My road trips were simply flying into an airport, picking up a rental car, and driving not more than an hour to my destination. I failed to realize my offer to drive on this over 400-mile journey was something I hadn’t done in at least forty years.

I wasn’t prepared for the high-speed, bumper-to-bumper interstate traffic, where I remained on high alert. Cars wove in and out, as did the speeding semi-trucks. “Sue, what’s the place over there?”

“I CAN’T LOOK, I am trying to avoid getting an accident with that maniac trucker that just cut me off!” I clung to the steering wheel with my sweaty palms. When we reached the hotel, I said, “I need a shower and a drink, and not necessarily in that order.” The next two days of this adventure were primarily on two-lane state highways involving twists and turns and ups and downs. I’m no fan of these; I like flat, straight highways so I can see where I’m going. Of course, these damned roads were marked with warning signs: Watch for animals and Watch for falling rocks. Hell, that’s all I needed is to have a mountain slide down on my car!

Further, I know these small towns thrive on tourists: Tombstone, Bisbee, Tubac, Patagonia, etc. There’s certainly not much industry once the mines closed. We chose to only eat and/or drink at local establishments. (I’ve no recommendations; it was all equally terrible.) Of course, local government also survives on tourists by stationing police hiding around the curve, at the end of the tunnel, or wedged into the side of a canyon. No, I didn’t get a ticket. I played particular attention to speed; I knew that game.

Yesterday, I was less than forty miles from my casa when the interstate traffic came to a halt. I’d seen the warning signs: Crash ahead. Slow down. However, there was no crash. It was a normal Saturday when the interstate abruptly closes for road work. For the next hour, I crept along to the mandated exit and eventually wended my perspiring self home–again, in need of a shower and a drink. I turned to my friend and said, “Ask someone else to ride along with you the next time you want to do a road trip.”

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

I Was Robbed

Cool your jets before you feel sorry for me. It was not a legitimate crime worthy of a 911 call. It was a crime of my own stupidity.

My I Phone 13 is fourteen months old, but its screen was a mess. Even though it was covered with a sticky, plastic cover, it showed serious wear. So much so that I thought the glass screen was damaged. As a result, I went to the Verizon store on Thursday fearing the worst–I’d have to get a new phone, a new model with all the fancy doodads I’d never master. A young technician approached, “How may I help you?”

To me, he looked like a he may be sixteen, a veritable child, who was a helluva lot tech smarter than this old lady. I explained my problem. “Is that all? Let me see your phone.” In a slight movement, he removed its battle-worn case and the plastic screen cover. “See? The glass is fine. You just need to replace the screen and the case.”

Whew! I dodged that bullet. Thank God, I don’t need a new phone. “Do you want me to take care of this for you?”

“Absolutely.”

Within five minutes, he worked his magic on the screen. “This is the only case we have for your phone. You’ll notice in doesn’t have the magnetic, charging circle on the back. Do you need that?”

“Yes, I do. You’ve got a whole wall of cases in here, and you’ve none for my phone. Why is that?”

“Your phone is a 13. There’s 14’s, 15’s, and a soon-to-be released 16. Apple slightly alters the size of each phone, so cases aren’t compatible. Try Amazon for a case.”

“I will, thanks. How much do I owe you?”

“Uh, $65.15!”

Talk about sticker shock! (No pun intended.) I struggled for control; I couldn’t go off on a kid who had no control over company pricing. I paid the bill and fumed my way home. Unfortunately, later that evening I ordered a case on Amazon and looked at their pricing for screen covers: $4.99-18.99! I was robbed by my own stupidity.

In this election year, both of our political parties blame high prices of gas, groceries, and even ten-cent pieces of plastic phone screen protectors on each other. In a free enterprise system, government has at best, limited control over pricing in the private sector. Look at the profits big business has made in the last two years. Look at the salaries big business pays its corporate management. And finally, don’t forgot all the tax cuts, mega corporations were given between 2016-2020.

Isn’t it ironic that Islam and Christianity teaches about the seven deadly sins–one of which is greed? Yet…the beat goes on.