“I Didn’t Do it.”

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Like most of us, there were times when I did do it and failed to portray an angelic look on my face, which betrayed my innocence.

“Miss Snell.”

“Yes, Robert.

“Suzanne, Ernie, and Maurice are chewing up cardboard and spitting it on the floor.”

Indeed, I was guilty, as were the two others, and we had to rid the floor of our disgusting spit wads.

Yes, I’ve lived long enough to be accused of numerous crap along the way. Particularly during my twenty years on the school board. I’ve had investigative reporters shangai me in my driveway and accuse me of being homophobic, prejudiced against old folk, immigrants, disabled, etc. My response: “Bring it on. Release the intel you supposedly have.” Why? Because I knew I was none of those labels, and my actions would prove it.

I’m in a quandary. If POTUS had no involvement in the Epstein files, why not release the files? If POTUS is innocent, why would his lackeys browbeat Laura Boebert and MT Greene to vote against the file release? If POTUS is innocent, why would he order the Department of Justice to investigate Clinton and the other Democrats?

To me, what is most revolting and heinous is the new spin: these young girls were NOT children. They were old enough to know better. Really? So the lechers weren’t pedophiles? They weren’t rapists? Frankly, I don’t give a rat’s hind end if these predators were billionaires, paupers, Princes, Democrats, Republicans, or Communists. Prosecute them all! Hold them accountable! And…award the victims damages.

Thimblerig, AKA the Shell Game

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Most of us have this game; sometimes on a street corner, at a bar, or at a party. Using three cups with a coin, a bottle cap, or a pea, the con artist hides the object under a cup and quickly shuffles the three cups around. Your job is to bet which cup covers the object. Of course, the con snatches up your money, as you have chosen the wrong cup. You are mystified by this two-hundred-year-old trick–and out five bucks!

Me? I discovered this week I, too, was a victim several weeks ago at a garden center, where some sick, deranged fool switched the identifying stakes in the tomato plants. I thought I bought “Better Boy” and “Celebrity” tomato plants, but after five straight days of rain and three weeks of desert sun, the vines were a sea of green small balls. Damn! Cherry tomatoes! What good is a bushel of cherry tomatoes? Megamillions of seeds to lodge in my teeth and wreck havoc in my digestive track. I certainly was in no mood to grind them into salsa, nor cook them down and strain all the seeds.

My only choice was to remove the plants, go buy new ones, hope the weather cooperated, and I’d reap a crop. “Do you think it’s too late to plant these?”

“Not sure, ma’am,” said the guy in the garden center. “Depends on the weather.”

Duh. “The only reason I have to is I got snookered by Thimblerig!”

He looked at me quizzically. “Uh, what?”

“Thimblerig. The Shell Game. Someone switched out the stakes in your plants; I thought I was buying big tomatoes, not cherry tomatoes. I’m not wasting my time and my water bill on dumb little cherries.”

“Ha, I hear ya! I got gut problems, too. Let me tell you a story about my friend who bought his kid a pygmy pig and ended up with a 400-pound sow.”

By the end of his story, I was regaled in laughter. Yes, Suzanne, there’s a lot worse things than buying cherry tomato plants.

Here It Comes Again

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Many of you fell back to standard time yesterday, and today the grocery stores and big box scores were selling holiday wares. TV ads for the “most wonderful time of the year” were aired by a variety of sponsors. Even pre-Black Friday sales events are trending.

As a child, I anxiously awaited the long holiday break from the monotony of school. I was raring to drink hot chocolate, leaf through the Sears Catalog, sled ride, ice skate, and pound my brother with snowballs. But then, those days of November to mid-December crawled by. Would the holidays ever arrive?

Now, as a septuagenarian, I’m astounded! In less than two months, it will be 2026. Where did the time go? What did I do? Did I accomplish anything other than just trying to stay alive and out of jail? Did I make a difference in the lives of others?

Obviously, I managed to stay alive and out of jail. I hope I’ve accomplished things, I hope I’ve been kind and respectful, and I hope I’ve helped folk along the way. But one thing I absolutely know for certain is: I have NOT solicited for a $5.00 donation to get into Heaven, nor did I throw a $3 million party for Jay Gatsby.

The swift downhill journey to ’26 is upon us.

Sick, Heinous, and Disgusting: CHICAGO

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As some of you know, I’ve a young friend, Annie, who lives in a suburb of Chicago, where she and her husband, Ben, have a daughter in the first grade in a public school. Ben is an American of Filipino descent; thus, his skin color is mocha. Even though he is a corporate executive, his wallet carries his birth certificate, social security card, and a copy of his university credentials. In America? Hell, yes. Why? Because ICE is randomly zip-tying people of “color.”

Now, if you’re not appalled and enraged by Ben’s fear, imagine their six-year old daughter, who, too, lives in fear. Her teacher took them to the playground for recess this week, and ICE masked agents showed up! Fortunately, this teacher herded her crying students back into the building without incident. But the psychological damage done to children that day can not be minimized. Nor can we ignore the repeated “active shooter” drills, our children are subjected to monthly. In America? Hell, yes. Why? The NRA lobby.

However, Annie, Ben, and their neighbors met and decided to confound their dilemma; they organized. They escort kids to and from school, ‘they watch over the alleys and ingress points for several blocks surrounding the school to ensure every child gets home to a safe adult.’ In America? Hell, yes. Why? Good question.

Annie’s final comment to me: Sue, Chicago is under attack, but Chicago is rising. The unity and alignment I’ve seen as neighbors is inspiring. This is a veiled excuse to try to intimidate the people of Chicago, and it isn’t working. We will keep protecting our neighbors.

In America? Hell, yes! Why? BECAUSE WE ARE AMERICANS!

The First Wives’ Club

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As most of you know, I’m a card-carrying member of this organization, and I know all the words to You Don’t Own Me, even though I can’t sing like Lesley Gore. When Diane Keaton died last week, social media was awash with the movie clip of she, Bette Midler, and Goldie Hawn’s exit to that song.

The First Wives’ Club premiered in 1996; I was 48, Diane and Bette, 50, and Goldie, 51 years old. Even after all the years have passed the movie remains a vivid memory and makes me smile as I remember Elise’s (Goldie) bulging, botoxed lips, Brenda’s (Bette) quick wit, and Annie’s (Diane) takeover of her husband’s fortune. What surprised me the most about Keaton’s final pictures was how old she looked. Then I saw photos of Bette and Goldie; hell, Bette even has grey hair! How can that be? Where has the time gone? And the most recent photos of Robert Redford before his death–ye Gods! What happened to the Sundance Kid?

Little did I know I was in for the ultimate shock; I looked in the bathroom mirror. OMG! Who’s that ancient creature staring at me? Even Maleficent looks better than me! Oblah dee, oblah da….

I AM ANGRY!

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Quoting Mick Jagger: “I’ve lived 82 years on this earth, and this is the first time I’ve ever witnessed people delighting in the suffering of others so openly, so proudly, and even recording it for the world to see.”

When I read this, I paused and thought. Mick nailed my feelings: delighting in the suffering of others–a most damning statement. And from I see and read, that’s exactly what’s happening–sometimes to the point of even celebrating the misery of the homeless, the immigrants, the aged, but most importantly the children.

I’ve come to the realization that my view of Jesus differs greatly from the Jesus of the far right. And no, I’m not going to bore you with Bible quotes; you know them. They are all as simple as: do unto others….

Our future is solely in the hands of our children. As a nation, we can’t expect them to reach adulthood, without scientific-based, health care. Nor can we expect them to be compassionate, caring neighbors when they learn hate and disrespect of others. Nor can we expect them to be cooperative collaborators, when we promote and celebrate divisiveness. Nor can we expect them to even be sane and rational when their early lives of filled with fear of school shooters or masked, armed soldiers zip-tying them away from their family. Nor, should any child be a victim of sexual abuse!

Once again, I ask all of us: who is going to wipe the drool from our mouths, change our diapers, or put the spoon to our lips, as we lay dying? Our children. Amen.

The Best Bargain Ever

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I spent this week fixing up my diabolical mess from last. The fallen trees were removed, the skylight was replaced, the air conditioner was serviced again, and my dog is doing better. Further, my wonderful landscaping service redid my front yard, and my cleaners made my interior immaculate. Needless, to say, it was a pricey week, but I also scored the best bargain ever.

How? My mom taught me how to shop long before the pandemonium for designer clothing and Labubu dolls. She clipped grocery coupons and dragged my sibs and me to Strouss’ basement’s sales. (If you were raised in Youngstown, Ohio, you’d know Strouss. It was an Ohio version of Nordstrom’s, particularly The Rack.)

The first Wednesday of the month at Phoenix groceries is Senior Citizen Day, where seniors get 10% off most stuff. I wandered into a high-end, signature store that not only sells food staples, but clothing, shoes, dishes, toys, and linens. Since I needed to kill some time before my next stop, I moseyed through the aisles and ended up in the shoe department which carries one of my favorite brands of cool tennis shoes. On the shelf was a sign: 90% Off. Damn! I looked at the shoe box–size 10. Too big for me, but not too big to donate. In fact, some teenage girl would probably adore these trendy, silver shoes to wear to homecoming.

I put the originally-priced $50.00 shoes in my shopping cart along with the rest of my groceries and checked out. I strode out of the store smiling, for I knew someone would delight in my best bargain ever: $1.34 including my senior discount. Move over 47. That was an “”art of the deal.” Who knows? It may be worthy of a Nobel Prize.

If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

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Read the title in your best nasally, whiny Roseannadanna voice, and you’ll understand my week. Please know, I’m not looking for sympathy; in fact, my purpose is to bring a smile or a sigh of relief that it didn’t happen to you.

My former husband used to say, You can’t have construction, without destruction.” Monday was destruction, which began in my hallway at six AM, when they jack-hammered up the floor. Not only were my dogs terrified, but the deafening sounds of scraping concrete gave me a roaring headache. Then came the construction phase, which continues through this coming week. The constant whirring of the tile saw and mortar mixer increased my anxiety.

On Thursday, a large limb on my grapefruit tree snapped sent a hundred, large unripe fruit to live with Jesus. (Note picture) Friday and Saturday, mother nature finally sent rain to the desert–not the lovely gentle rain that soaks the parched soil, but the wild torrents of flooding. And during these severe storms, my kitchen skylight leaked, and the ceiling bubbled. And just when some semblance of calm appeared, one of my dogs vomited, which necessitated a very pricey trip to the emergency vet clinic.

Thankfully, my dog is better, and tomorrow I’ll schedule appointments with my landscaper and my roofers. Hopefully, by mid-week my hallway floor will be finished. Until, the next time….

Discourse, Disagreement, and Dissent

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These are NOT dirty words, but words upon which America was founded and flourished. (I know a little about that since I’m a direct descendant of Patrick Henry.)

I spent my entire fifty-year career in public education as a high school English teacher, a high school principal, a school district superintendent, a deputy associate state department school superintendent, and as an university professor. In addition, I served twenty years as a school board member in a large suburban school district. Fact. Not intended to be bragging. Just fact.

During my fifty-year career, my name was often etched in desks and scrawled on bathroom walls with obscenities. Folk repeatedly critiqued me, argued with me, and sometimes even dissented. When I was on the school board, parents, students, and teachers often confronted me in our public meetings, in the grocery store, or at a football game. My daughter’s friends vociferously objected to a parking policy I endorsed. When social media took off, I was frequently chastised by the members of the greater school community.

I’ve borne my fair brunt of criticism–perhaps deserved. Yet, in my defense, I listened. Because I listened, sometimes I changed my mind. Because I listened, I KNEW I wasn’t as smart as I thought! Because I listened, I apologized when I knew I was mistaken. Because I listened, I, not only learned a lot, but I became a better teacher, principal, superintendent, professor, and school board member. (I dare not say a better parent!)

Given the events of this last week or two, I’m astounded by the national movement of: MY WAY IS THE ONLY WAY. Or in other words: YOU’RE FIRED.

Just Do IT!

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Aging is an interesting process. One minute I’m sitting on the floor coloring with my grandchild, and the next minute I can’t get up off the floor without pulling myself up on the coffee table or sofa. And even though I think I can, quite often I discover I can’t. My life has changed from coulds to don’t you dares.

Last last week I made a really, stupid mistake. My thirty+ year-old kitchen chairs needed to be replaced, so I ordered four new modern ones. I loved their design, their price, and the free delivery–so much so that I even gave away the old ones before the new ones arrived. With great anticipation, I awaited unpacking the trendy ones and enjoying their sight at my table.

Much to my horror, two, thin flat boxes arrived. WTH? I opened the first one and gasped! Parts, screws, washers! I KNEW I’d ordered assembled ones. I strode to my office, turned on my computer, checked my order. Damn! “Assembly required.” No wonder, it was such a great deal. Now what? Send them back? I’d already destroyed the box and its packing. Send back the unopened box? What good are two chairs when I need four? I can’t deal with this.

I wrestled with myself about this dilemma I had created for several days, until I decided to just do it. After several sputters and starts, I put the chairs together. Thankfully, my general contractor guy came by and graciously checked my assembly and tightened every bolt and screw.

And the moral of my blog? Next time, read the fine print: assembly required. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the eye doctor.