family

Declaration of War!

/ skidaz / Leave a comment

I consider myself a peace-loving person, who would not intentionally ever physically harm any living thing, but today I find myself in full Carl Spackler-Caddyshack mode. I am at war with coyotes!

Spare me your lectures about my encroachment on their habitat. I have lived on the same property and in the same house for thirty-five years and never had any issues with these critters. But four months ago, things changed when they decided to prey on my dogs. (My dogs range in size from 60+pounds to 15 pounds, and they usually all go outside together and wander around my acre property.)

The coyotes chose my eldest–a 12-year-old dachshund for their first victim. Luckily, she escaped with a few bloody nicks and a fear of going outside after dark. Several months later, their second victim was my young, small Bernedoodle who sustained puncture wounds to her back and her side. However, this week my coyote conflict escalated into all out war when I came eye-to-eye with four yellow eyes as they attempted to jump over my six-foot wall into my backyard! Thankfully, my barking dogs and my shrieking voice caused them to abort their mid-air vault. After I had my anxious and over-stimulated dogs safely sequestered inside, I contemplated my strategies. A wildlife specialist at Arizona Game and Fish offered helpful suggestions and an internet search provided even more.

If you would happen to drive by my house, don’t be alarmed. My yard is decorated with motion sensors, blinking white lights, and ammonia-soaked beach towels drape my six-foot block wall. Wolf urine flakes have been sprinkled around the wall. In case you’re wondering, human pee also serves as a deterrent. (I may have to a host monthly stag parties at my casa when I run out of wolf urine!) Finally, within the next week or two, coyote rollers will be installed on top of the block wall–pricey. But after all, my dogs are priceless!

Finally, my nightly attire is a camouflage jacket with an ammonia-filled, super-soaker squirt gun strapped across my chest and an air horn hooked on my belt. So Wiley Coyote and friends bring it on! Dr. Suze is ready! Beep, beep!

October 2024=0

/ skidaz / Leave a comment

From Latin for eight, October was indeed the 8th month, until the Julian calendar was adopted. It is national pizza month, with the astrological signs of both Libra and Scorpio. Those born in October are said to be intelligent and passionate and are blessed with hope and good fortune. However, for me, October is a very curious month because this year it’s filled with milestone birthdays!

On October 1, my mother would have turned 100, and she frequently said before she died that she and Jimmy Carter would celebrate together. (Of course, he made it.) Today, the 6th, is my father-in-law’s 100th heavenly birthday. Columbus Day is my eldest niece’s 50th birthday. Three days later is my other niece’s 40th birthday, and six days later is my eldest daughter’s 40th! Whew! Overwhelmed by zeros.

And just when I thought I was done buying birthday cards, one of my friends who recently moved into my guest house said, “As a Chicagoan, I love October’s Harvest Moon and the nip of frost in the air.”

“Welcome to Phoenix. Yes, there may be a Harvest moon, but frost is doubtful.”

She laughed and added, “It’s my birthday month, too!”

Ye Gods! I’m going to own a Hallmark store before this month is over! “What date is your birthday?”

“Halloween.”

I was at a loss for words. Halloween? An obnoxious barb was on the tip of my tongue. I paused and reconsidered. “Well, even though you’re not in the zero club, that’s cause for a big celebration!

“Sue, seventy-four is hardly a milestone birthday.”

“It certainly is!” (She need not know the cause of my exhilaration: the election would be over in five days. That is, if there’s not a two-peat insurrection.)

Home Alone?

/ skidaz / Leave a comment

My apologies to the movie. But for the most part of the last thirteen years, I’ve been the only human in my casa. Granted I’ve had visitors and weekend guests, but again it’s mostly just me who talks to me, who cooks for me, and who entertains me. However, recently I had an epiphany! I AM NOT ALONE.

Now, if my kids read this blog (doubtful), they’ll think I’ve lost my mind. In fact, I’m NEVER alone with five, needy dogs who are always hungry and in need of a belly rub. They also frequently forget to use their inside barks when the Amazon driver comes to the front door or when they’re absolutely sure there’s a boogie man in my backyard at three AM. Alas, I’m forced to scold their behavior, thank them for their vigilance, and urge them back to slumber.

Secondly, I AM NOT ALONE. There’s laundry. Laundry is always there for me. Since it’s currently sweltering in Phoenix, I’ve the absolute minimum of clothes to launder and oodles of beach towels. Further, I’ve a number of children and their parents who hang out in my pool, who forget their swim attire and towels when they leave, so I do their laundry too.

Finally, one of my long time Ohio friends reminded me this week of the third reason I AM NOT ALONE: garbage. Garbage is always there for me with an added benefit. Benefit? It demands I follow the schedule. Monday is pick up day, meaning Sunday night I must rid my refrigerator of expired food and clean up and bag dog poop. Obviously, one does not want to leave the shells from shrimp cocktail in 110-degree-heat for weeks in the trash can. It must go out on Sunday. Unfortunately, my friend owns two houses four hours apart, demanding a rigorous garbage schedule. She can head to her beach house on Wednesday afternoon to enjoy the weekend on Lake Erie, but she must return to the city by Tuesday evening in time to place her trash can at the curb. (After hearing her story, I’m very glad I only own one home. With my luck, I’d forget what day of the week it is and be left with sizzling stench.)

I offer this word of advice to my single friends. Life is all in how one looks at it. One can wallow in a broken marriage, an early death of a spouse or partner, or the loss of a best friend. Yet, no one is ever solely alone, even without pets. There’s always laundry and garbage….They are there for YOU!