Yes, I suffer from ophidiophobia or fear of snakes. When I walk into a classroom and the teacher has a snake in a glass aquarium, I freak! I perspire and feel nauseous. I pray I won’t faint in front of the class. Lo and behold, this week two encounters almost sent me to an early grave.
I was brunching with a high school assistant principal and merely asked, “What’s up in your world?”
“OMG! I have to tell you what happened. A teacher called my office to report a kid had a snake in his backpack.”
I gagged on my waffle. “Dear God!”
“The custodian and I went to the classroom and took the student into the hall. The young man was wearing a hoodie. Just as I was about to inquire about the snake, it poked its head out of the hoodie front pouch.”
Again, I gagged. I would have died in the hallway and been trampled during class change. “What did you do?”
“Followed protocol. Took the kid and his snake to my office and had him put the snake in a large plastic container, called the parent, etc. Look here’s a picture.”
Lordy it was huge! “What is it?”
“A ball python, named Keith. Mom took it home. The kid received a restorative discipline. It was fine.”
Fine? Doubtful.
Two days later, an unexpected visitor slithered into my backyard. My dogs were hysterical. I tried to get them in the house and away from the harmless king snake, but none listened. Then Max, my cabana boy’s dog and self-appointed defender of me, leapt into action. He grabbed the snake and tossed it in the air three times. The snake left the earthly world, and Max proudly strutted around as my savior from evil.
And though it was painful for me to witness, I was delighted Max agreed with me, “The only good snake is a dead one.”
Dr. Suze Espouses 