The Name Game: Migrant Children

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When I was in the Master’s Leadership program, the professor asked: What’s the most important thing about a person?

Though I loved this professor, I knew he was wily.  Two brave students attempted an answer, only to be told they were incorrect.  The professor walked to podium, cleared his throat, and we knew we were about to learn a very important lesson.  Ladies and Gentleman the MOST important thing about a person is his/her name!  A name that distinguishes him/her from “you,” “kid,” “son,” or “ma’am.”  As an educator you must value people’s names, whether they be teachers, students, and parents.  You’ll be surprised by how much they respect you. A lesson I’ve not forgotten.  

Know I have the utmost respect for migrant workers and am most grateful for their service.  I’m certainly not going to pick lettuce, avocados, nor apples as my career.  Even at my grandparents’ farm years ago, men wandered up the lane to help with haying season and combining wheat and oats.

I am appalled at the separation of children from their migrant families.  I am appalled the US government is spending millions to house these children.  But I am most appalled we do not know these children’s names.  Really?  WTF?  And now, the government is going to spend millions to identify them via DNA testing.  Hmm.  In this technological age, it was not considered to identify them first–through photograph, finger print, or number?  These are children–some toddlers.  I can’t imagine their terror.

 

people-id-solutionsUnfortunately, this is just another example of mbsp–management by the seat of the pants. No one seems to understand the consequences of a decision until they’re faced with reality.  Decisions are whimsical, often retaliatory to garner votes.  Certainly, none of the recent decisions can be viewed as thoughtful.  (Just wait.  The tariff position is about to decimate American farmers.)

Yes, I’m a teacher. Yes, I’m a child advocate.  Yes, I would gladly open my home, my extra beds, and my kitchen to six children.  And yes, I would know each of them by name.

A view of inside US CBP detention facility shows children at Rio Grande Valley Centralized Processing Center in Texas

Suspension from School

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Call me a heretic.  Call me old and crazy.  I don’t care, but as a 47-year veteran of public education, I believe: NO child should be suspended from school…unless he/she poses a threat to the safety and well-being of others.

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Years ago, the preferred methods of discipline were standing in the corner, being paddled, writing a hundred times I will not…,or calling the parents.  In many schools today, the answer is being kicked out of school for a day, several days, or a week or two.  In this scenario, what does the student learn about his/her behavior?  “Cool.  I get to lie in bed till ten, eat out of the refrigerator, play video games, and watch television.”  What does that accomplish?  NOTHING.

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Forty-four years ago, as a high school principal, I had individual carrels installed in my office area.  Kids who committed an infraction were sentenced to my supervision for several days.  They were given their class assignments, their cafeteria lunch was delivered, and they were escorted to and from the restroom.  They were not kicked out to the comfort of their homes.

Among the current offenses for suspension are such things as swearing, smoking in the bathroom, using a cell phone, violating the dress code, cheating on a test, writing graffiti on a wall, and the most ludicrous…truancy and/or tardiness.  Really?  Why kick a kid out of school for his/her failure to be late or not come to school?  Absolutely, senseless.

So what is the answer to these offenses?  The trendy new phrase is restorative discipline.  While there are a myriad of fancy definitions floating in cyber space, it is simply the proverbial the punishment should fit the “crime” and serve as a teaching tool. Albeit, the perpetrator learns something.  For example, kids who spray paint offensive racial slurs and swastikas should not only be financially responsible for cleaning up their mess, but have to spend “x” number of hours viewing actual footage of the Holocaust and write a research paper on it.  Dress code violations are simple–put on your gym clothes or turn your shirt inside out.  Smoking in the bathroom; research and write a paper on cancer or causes of house fires.

Certainly, there should be consequences for aberrant behavior, but in most cases out-of-school suspension is not the answer.

"I never recommend suspension for students. Why reward poor behavior with time off?"

“I never recommend suspension for students. Why reward poor behavior with time off?”

The Santa Claus Challenge

th-2Most of us remember when one of our classmates declared that Santa wasn’t real.  Some of us ay recall the famous Dear Virginia editorial response published in the New York Sun in 1897.  Even though, I’m old, and even though I’m currently living through the most turbulent, hateful times I find deplorable, I still believe in Santa.

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Santa Claus is a spirit, who resides within most of us. When we were children, he miraculously answered our letters on Christmas morning.  In most cases.  I didn’t get a pony, but a got a Schwinn bike.  I didn’t receive a drum set, but I got a guitar.  Surprisingly, I was never disappointed.  I was happy with all my gifts–except the underwear.

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As I aged, my experience led me to a greater understanding of Santa.  A mythical figure, who lived in a dreadful climate, who urged children to be good, who fulfilled wishes, for what?  A plate of cookies and a glass of milk?  Doubtful. Santa Claus , St. Nicholas, Father Christmas, or whatever your moniker, came to teach.

His lesson embodied the Golden Rule–do unto to others.  But Santa tweaked it a tad.  Do unto others with anonymity.  For me, there’s no greater joy than giving without acknowledgement, nor accolade. And yes, there are a myriad of ways to get a tax deduction without revealing or bragging.   Trust me, I know.

Inside of each of us is Santa Claus.  In times of disasters, strangers help others; sometimes risking their own safety to render assistance.  With the holiday season fast-approaching, I urge you to accept the Santa Claus challenge.  Do something for someone anonymously.  You’ll be surprised by the joy you receive.    I double-dog dare you.

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Where Everyone Knows My Name

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The one thing everybody owns–a name. Mike, Becky, Matt, or Ashley.  Whether they own a business, a car, or a house is trivial, when someone doesn’t call them by name.  Persona non grata.

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As a teacher, I learned that lesson early in my career.  It became more dicey when I taught at the college level, for I had 50+ students each semester.  At the first class, I made each student introduce his/herself and noted on the roster some identifying characteristic.  By the second class, I was able to call each of them by name.  I’d dazzled them, and most of them were stunned.  Invariably, each semester one would ask, “Dr. Skidmore, how do you know my name?”

“You know mine, right?  Then, I should know yours.”

While I live in a city of over four million people, I’m delighted the grocery store cashiers wear name tags.  At the end of my transaction, I thank him/her by name.  My favorite waiter is Patrick.  The restaurant owner is Michele.  Our waitress at Trivia Night is Brie, and her owner/boss is Sharon. Cal runs the best sub shop in my ‘hood.  Bar_Bet

Though some folk embrace anonymity, I don’t.  I believe human interaction is dying–thanks to social media.  When I was in high school and wanted to break up with my boyfriend, I told him face-to-face.  When I disagreed with one of my professors, I spouted my objection.  I certainly didn’t hide behind “Rate Your Professor” under a phony name.

So indulge me.  Refer to folk by their first name–the only thing they own.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised to see their reactions.

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Cabana Boy=Eye Candy

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Several years ago, I was antsy to do something worthwhile; I decided to redo my decimated guest quarters.  Prior to her illness, my youngest and her dogs lived there, and eventually her one whacked-out dog destroyed it.

After all the carpet was removed, I had the concrete floors sanded.  I painted the walls and worked for over a week staining the concrete floors.  Certainly, I didn’t do a magnificent job, acceptable and a huge improvement.  I decorated and used left over furniture, bought new appliances, a new air conditioner/furnace etc.  In short, it was cute.  Someone suggested I rent it.  Me?  Do I look like Ethel Mertz?  Do I want to be a landlady?  Absolutely, never!

“Mom, I have a friend who’s moving here from San Diego and needs a place to stay for a month.  He got a job here, and he wants to check everything out before he rents an apartment.  I told him he could stay here until he finds something.  Hope that’s ok.”

“Do I know this guy?”

“No.  I went to school with him in Colorado for one year.”

“And now, five years later, you’re moving him in to the guest quarters?”

“It’ll be fine, Mom.  It’s just for a month.”

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A month became almost a year.  Joe was delightful, and I soon found myself doing his laundry, packing his lunches, cooking his dinners, and advising him on the random girls who frequented my swimming pool. My friends dubbed him my “cabana boy,” given his bi-ceps were larger than my thighs, his good looks, and his adeptness as a bartender.  He took out the trash cans to the the road, he easily opened jars, and he dog sat when I was away.

Joe came in one night for dinner and announced, “I’ve landed a new job back in California.”

“Great!  When does it start?”

“Next week.”

With Joe’s announcement came a line of young men wanting to take his place.  My kid’s high school friend, Bob moved in a month later with his dog.  I’ve known Bob since he was in the 8th grade, so the transition was easy.  He’s just finished his junior year at the university with 3 semesters remaining till he graduates in elementary education.  Unlike Joe, I don’t cook for him, but I do his laundry and have recently taken to charging him “rent.” (Translation:  You give me money, and I’ll keep it until you want it back.  Dr. Suze banking system of forced savings.). Of course, he has bi-ceps and abs on which I gaze.  My friends are a tad jealous of the scenery in my swimming pool.  Yet, every older woman needs a cabana boy to tend to her dogs when she’s gone.  Agree?

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