February 14th

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On Wednesday morning I awoke before the alarm and laid in bed surfing my memories. I was in Miss Snell’s, second grade class.  Since I was not very good with scissors, my shoebox valentine box looked shabby.  I don’t recall whether it was a class rule, but every kid got a card from each member of our class.

Now, this required labor.  We had to punch out a card, write our name on the back, stuff it in a miniature envelope and address it.  Of course, there were only five choices of valentines, meaning at least 4 or 5 students would receive an identical card from me.  I agonized about the one for Meice–the love of my life.  I chose a bear holding a heart–it’s message: Be my valentine.  I underlined “BE.”

When the time came to open our valentines, the boys were busily eating homeroom mom cupcakes, and we girls were searching for the one card from our love.  I read and reread the nondescript message from Meice.  I cherished it.

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At 11:00 AM Wednesday, I went to my hair dresser appointment and in our conversation shared my memory.  Her response: “My husband doesn’t like Valentine’s Day.”

Wow!  Who doesn’t?  “What is up with that, Addie?”

“Chip went to a small, rural elementary school in Iowa.  Chip was short, with a slight build.  When he opened his shoebox, he’d have one or two cards.  Others would have many.”

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Hmm. Hard to believe.  Today Chip is a beefcake, highly successful entrepreneur.  However, even at 50 years old, he is a broken little boy, due to the unconscious cruelty of other children.  Had I known this story I would have sent Chip a box of chocolates!

Unfortunately, my Valentine’s Day got worse:  Parkland, Florida.  Seventeen children and faculty assassinated by a sick 19-year-old with an AK-15.  My pleasant memories of February 14th have been shattered forever.

When is enough, enough?

Heart Month

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This month’s blogs will focus on heart; no, I’ve not morphed into Delilah!  My eldest is a nurse practitioner who specializes in heart failure.  When I mentioned to her I was going to get my nails done, her reply was, “Wear red nail polish!”

“Why?”

“It’s national heart month, and one in three women die from heart issues.”

I followed her direction.  (Long ago I learned not to argue with her, as she far more knowledgeable about medical issues, more bossy, and cuter.)

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With that said, I share a poignant story of heart. Two young friends of mine, Mike and Becky, bought a 10,000 square foot, antique mall, Zinnias, and turned it into an eclectic Phoenix landmark.  The couple had many humorous adventures across America “picking” for collectibles, which eventually resulted in my officiating their wedding several years later.  Of course, aptly the venue for their wedding was Zinnias they had decked out with colorful murals of their new life together.  Their Boston terrier, Detective, is one of the mural’s focal points.

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When the Arizona legislature passed SB 1062 (later vetoed by the governor) that allowed any business owner, based on religious reasons, to deny sales to gay and lesbian customers, Mike and Becky posted: Open for Business to Everyone signs.  With their technological expertise, they pioneered a cloud inventory and created international sales of vintage items via social media.

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Sadly, the NYC absentee owner of the property recently raised their rental fee to an unconscionable amount and refused to sell them the building, unless they offered an exorbitant amount of money.  At the end of the month, Zinnias will close.  However, Mike recently reflected: We wanted to create a place where people of all races, religions, socioeconomic standings, and ages felt like they belonged.  Zinnias was the Cheers bar for Phoenix antiques shoppers.  Mike and Becky accomplished it.

Best of luck to great for with big hearts!

The Ultimate Test Question

 

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Please explain:  (Hint:  Be sure you understand the meaning of each word, before you write your answer.)

“If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, it expects what never was and never will be.”  Thomas Jefferson

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I shall await your responses.

Gullibility: $

 

 

New-Small-Designer-Slim-Women-Red-font-b-Wallet-b-font-Thin-Zipper-font-b-LadiesMe thinks there is a substantial percentage of American consumers, who are so gullible they pay outrageous prices for routine items.  Of course, my daughters are in that group. To me, a handbag or wallet fulfills a need.  To them, it is a fashion statement.  So I ask you: when was the last time you ogled someone’s wallet at the store checkout?  When was the last time you coveted someone’s choice of paper towels or toilet paper?  When was the last time you envied someone’s plastic bottle of water?

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This week, I was early to an appointment, so I entered a designer grocery–the kind which caters to folk with more money than sense.  I perused the inflated prices: boneless, chicken breasts at $5.99 a pound, broccoli crowns at $4.99 a pound, and the deli was serving $10 a cup coffee.  I found this curious as the day before I paid $1.47 a pound for boneless chicken breasts.  Obviously, something is seriously wrong with my palate.  Chicken is chicken.  Beef, however, is another matter.  (Ribeye steaks are far superior to round steak.)

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Yet, the most outrageous item I saw on my adventure was one, peeled navel orange in a plastic container. It’s price: $6.00!  Had I known folk were so gullible, I would have picked my plentiful oranges, peeled and contained them, and undercut the price by one dollar.  Damn!  I’d be wealthy!  Maybe, next year.

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#%*+!

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Believe me, I can talk like a sailor, but I was raised with decorum.  I knew people didn’t smoke cigarettes in church, spit in hallways, nor kick puppies.  I also knew there was a time and place when it was not appropriate to use expletives.

In my 18 years on the school board of a large, suburban school district, I never swore from the dais.  I may have thought it, but I didn’t verbalize it.  I knew better.  Further, I didn’t want teachers cussing at students.  Thus, I set an example.  However once, in front of my mom, I accidentally dropped the f bomb.  She heard it fly from my mouth.

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“Sue, when people use gutter talk, it’s the sign of a severely limited vocabulary.  Not to mention a lack of decorum and civility.  Your hero, Mark Twain, was a genius at penning classics without swearing.  We readers fully understood what Huck Finn was really saying, but Mrs. Samuel Clemens edited the base vernacular from his manuscript.”

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Hmm.  Mark Twain was a genius–a stable one.

Oh Package! Where Art Thou?

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Every year I send navel oranges to friends and family.  Since navels are “Christmas oranges,” I usually mail them before the US Post Office gets overwhelmed with packages. And again, this year I did so on December 11.  The boxes went to New York, Ohio, and to Texas.  Since they were sent priority mail, I had tracking slips.

However, I usually get a text or a call from the recipient long before I get around to checking on them.  I’d heard from New York and from Ohio, but not from my sister in Texas.  Curious.  I texted: Did you get the citrus?  “No” was her reply.  Now, I was involved in a mystery, for according to geography, Texas is much closer to Phoenix than NY or OH. I entered the tracking number to find the lost parcel.  OMG!  I was astounded!  The oranges and limes must have decided to go on adventure!

They fled my sister’s Houston suburb, went to downtown Houston–perhaps to ride the Ferris wheel, and then took off to Dallas.  In Dallas, they were sent back to my local post office–less than five miles from my home.  According to tracking, those bad boys arrived on December 18.  Christmas and New Year’s came and went.  No citrus returned.  Weird.

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On January 4, I received a brown envelope from the mailman.  Enclosed was this box top. (Since the original was addressed correctly and neither my sister, nor I want to be deluged with fan mail, I altered the label.)  Also enclosed was a letter, dated December 24 from a Dallas postal facility.  It read:  An empty wrapper with your address was found in the mail and is believed to have been separated from a parcel during handling (see attached portion of the wrapper.) Really?  The package was allegedly in Phoenix on the 18th.  How could the top of a large, flat-rate box been separated from it…unless, someone in the postal service knoshed on oranges and squeezed lime in beer?

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Included was a form to file for missing items.  A laborious form that mandated receipts for whatever was in the box, plus serial and model numbers, sex and size of clothing articles, etc.  I tossed the form.  I have better things to do than worry about errant citrus.  However, the next time I send a box to my sister, it will be filled with….

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2018: Welcome to the 70’s

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I never said, “I’ll be glad to watch this year go; hopefully, next year will be better.”  Every year of my life has brought its challenges and laughter.  Granted, each year has been different–sometimes 360 degrees different, but still each year has been interesting, confounding, and humorous.

As I child, I didn’t like January 1, even though we celebrated my paternal grandfather’s birthday I was bored by the endless, TV football games and dreaded I would go back to school tomorrow.  For me, it was a very long stretch to spring break and summer vacation.  Further, it would be months before the sun shone, the daffodils appeared, and I could rid myself of boots and a winter coat.  I’d be sentenced to a classroom writing a report about George or Abraham, cutting and pasting hearts on doilies, wearing green, ad nauseam.

Admittedly, 2017 changed my life.  While it has been a year of joy and accomplishment, it has been a year of introspection.  Now when a major home improvement needs done, when a big-ticket appliance breaks, when I get the itch for a new car, I make each decision based on a 20-25, year warranty.  Yes, 2018 will bring my 70th birthday.  A most anchoring realization.  I don’t want to replace an air conditioner when I’m eighty, nor dicker with car sales folk.

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Yet, 2018 will also bring my youngest’s 30th birthday and her magical, fifth year as cancer-free, so I’ll suck it up.  I’ll turn 70.  I’ll publish my first novel in collaboration with my brother.  I’ll get another tattoo, buy a puppy, and take a riverboat cruise on the Mississippi, if I can find someone who wants to tag along.  But most importantly,  I’ll throw a big party in celebration of my youngest, fifth cancerversery.

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Let the ball drop, NYC.  Dr. Suze is ready for 2018!  Happy New Year!

 

XYZ: Examine Your Zipper

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Many will recall the childhood comment: XYZ.  Usually, it was made to a boy, who emerged from the lavatory after those stupid, elementary school bathroom breaks.  Perhaps, you’ve experienced them, where the teacher lined up his/her class at the appointed hour and marched them down the hall.  I referred to this practice as pee on demand.

Though invented in 1851, zippers weren’t used in clothing until the 1930’s.  In the 1937, Battle of Fly, the zipper was declared winner over buttons.  This new tailoring idea in men’s trousers promised to prevent the possibility of embarrassment.

In recent weeks XYZ has morphed into headline stories, graphic dalliances of sexual harassment, even rape, have been exposed.  Certainly, rumors of the “Hollywood casting couch” have been around for years, but both men and women victims remained silent.  Now, it seems to be a pervasive epidemic propagated by those in power over the powerless.  Further, fueled by fear of losing a starring role, a job, or even getting a good grade in a college course.

Finally, victims found their voice.  Unnamed predators are probably suffering from sleepless nights and wobbly knees.  And thankfully, this week voters rejected a known creep, who advertised himself as an upright, moral man.

My advice to the powerful is simply: XYZ.  None of your employees, nor teenagers shopping at the mall are interested in your sausage.  And in this case, it doesn’t pay to advertise.

 

 

 

 

Twenty-six Candles: December 14th

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Reprise:  I wrote this blog two years ago, and nothing has changed.  Massacres continue.  Congress okays folks’ right to carry concealed weapons.  As I complete my 17-year-tenure on the school board, every night I pray a Columbine, Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook, or a Las Vegas slaughter, doesn’t occur in my district.

I’m weary of the Second Amendment argument.  Really?  Obviously, many have no understanding of US History.  A single musket, fire and re-load, as compared to a semi-assault rifle with a bump stock?  No comparison.  Reread a part of my blog and weep for all of the innocents lost since 2012.

“Like many of you, I’m sure you’ve almost or already completed your holiday shopping.  Thanks to the convenience of online shopping in jammies, the wish list of children and grandchildren has been answered.  The presents are wrapped in whimsical paper and sparkling bows for tomorrow’s mail.  December 14th.

Tomorrow evil strikes! Twenty children and six, valiant school employees will never see a new bicycle, and iPad, nor the must-have, limited-quantity, hottest gift of 2012.  The gift you stood in line to buy at 6:00AM on Black Friday or assembled for three hours.”

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Imagine the anguish of families who planned funerals amidst the holiday gifts they’d never see their children open.  Every time I think about the horror of Sandy Hook Elementary School I gag.

As I said in my original blog, President Reagan changed his stance on gun control after his attempted assassination and the serious wounding of Jim Brady, i.e. the Brady Bill.   We must advance conversation and legislation about access to assault weapons, bump stocks, and rigorous background checks, prior to gun purchase. We must address mental health care in our country.

Yes, I know.  Nothing is going to change.  The fire of hate is fanned by those in DC and the nut case who says Sandy Hook didn’t happen.  I get it; I’ve but one vote.  Yet on December 14th, I will light 26 candles.  Will you?

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Happy Thanksgiving from a First Grader

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My blog publishes early this week, as I’m off to the South for Thanksgiving.  A teacher friend of mine asks her first graders each year to write a recipe for preparing turkey.  This one made me roar with laughter:

Go buy a pink turkey the size of your face, about 10 pounds, from Home Depot. Put it in a pot with chunks of black pepper.  Cook in the oven for twenty minutes at ten degrees.  Serve with a few strawberries and lots of goldfish crackers.  

Chef Micah titled his recipe Turkey Trot.  Unfortunately, I’ll be out of town.  Sorry to miss his culinary masterpiece.

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Happy Thanksgiving!