Phoenix temperatures are soaring.  My fabulous spring garden is just several days away from death.  Even Satan, himself, has left town for San Diego.

With that being said, a month ago I inventoried my shorts in anticipation of my stay at the beach in North Carolina and the Arizona heat.  Damn.  Not one pair fit.  It seems my FitBit made me walk too many steps.  I needed to buy five new pairs to survive the summer.

Since I’m neither a golfer nor a tennis player, I prefer shorts with pockets. Nothing fancy, nothing with a designer label; I’m not out to impress anyone at the grocery store.  I went to the mall, Target, TJ Max, Ross, and searched.  Women’s sizes fell off me.  I even tried on shorts from junior departments.  While some of them fit, they also advertised more than I would ever share in public–sagging butt and thighs.  Unacceptably, short.  You ladies, know what I’m saying.

I prefer bermuda-length, shorts.  When I shopped for those, the vast majority were priced well above $30 a pair.  Help!  Time’s awastin’! Shorts are shorts.  Right?

I went to Carolina Beach with five, new pairs of shorts, which totaled less than $50.  Each day, folk would say, “Where did you get those cute shorts?”  Even when I returned to Phoenix, two grocery store patrons inquired the same.  Hey, I could have said Nordstrom or Bloomingdale. But I’m a straight-shooter.

“The boys’ department at Walmart, for $8.96 a pair.”

“But, Sue, they’re so cute with the flamingoes. I love the birds of paradise.”

Long ago, I figured out some simple truths:  shorts are shorts. The only differences between boy’s shorts and girl’s shorts are: girl’s cost more, and girl’s button right to left, while boy’s button left to right.  Now since I’m not in the habit of staring at folks’ waists,  I don’t ogle others, nor has anyone ever asked why I was wearing boy’s shorts

Of course, I’ve pricey business suits, dresses, pants, and shoes, but I’ve never been caught up in fashion trends, nor designer labels.  Certainly, by the end of summer, my size will change again, and I’ll donate my shorts to Goodwill. And until then, I’ll be honest about where I buy my shorts, and I will not advertise by saggy butt!