Years ago, Dr. John Merrow of Harvard, produced a series of PBS programs on American schools, in which he categorized schools as bad, good enough, and excellent. Those categories can be easily be used to evaluate my week. The roofers came to repair my warrantied roof and skylight leaks. They supposedly resealed the skylight but said the one on the roof was a stucco issue. My favorite painter garage mates repaired and sealed. They conquered my dry rot problem.

Since I’ve known these boys since they were in kindergarten, I took them to lunch, where they regaled me with horror stories about a subcontracting job they’d recently done for Arizona State University. They were to repaint dorm rooms, which had supposedly been cleaned prior. My boys are custom painters, who do excellent, exceptional work. (I know; they painted by entire 4,000 square-foot interior.) They spent hours cleaning, before they could paint. When they finished the first room, they said to the supervisor, “This room was so filthy it needs another coat.”

The supervisor replied, “It’s good enough.”

When they entered the next room, they spent the first half-hour sweeping up thousands of dead cockroaches–one-half black trash bag full. They looked at the walls that ere obviously stained with vomit and other unknown body fluids, and they told the supervisor they were terminating their contract.

The supervisor replied, “I’m surprised you lasted this long; custom painters rarely do. And by the way, that was the custodian’s room; he died in there about three months ago.”

Excellent, good enough, and now to the bad. The moment Friday night’s monsoon began I heard plop,plop, plop. Yes, the skylight was leaking above my island cook top. As the stormed raged, water began to stream all over the island and kitchen floor. The ceiling bubbled, as I captured over 2.5 inches of rain in my scrub bucket. Bad is truly not a “good enough” adjective to describe my assessment. Trust me, I’ve spent most of the day collecting words for my Monday call to the roofing company, deleting expletives along the way. I wouldn’t want to be the receiver of my wrath.

You probably think I’ve recareered as an entomologist with my musings about cockroaches and now termites. Perhaps, it is the monsoon which has driven me into the mad,mad world of insects. For the most part, I like bugs, like lady bugs, butterflies, dragon flies, and honey bees to name a few. On the other hand, scorpions and termites are on my detest list. (When I lived in Ohio, Japanese beetles were also on my nuke list.)

But this week, I discovered termites in a wooden beam on my patio. From English, to French, to Spanish I swore every awful word I could remember. WTH? Damn termites. I made my painter boy garage mates come and look, and they removed all the molding around the beam. They confirmed my suspicion. “Damn it, Sue. You’ve got termites.”

I wrung my hands. “Damn it! What am I supposed to do now?”

They stared at me like I was from outer space; I knew they thought I was being a blonde–bottled blonde, that is. “Call an exterminator. I think they’re pretty pricey, and they may have to drill holes in your wall.” Visions of dollar signs danced in my head.

This revelation drove my research into the life of termites. These ancient creatures are blind, and live in colonies, similar to ants. There are workers and soldiers who are sterile. One male, the king, is not, and he mates with the queen for life. The life span of a queen can be from 30-50 years long. (A long time to be popping out eggs.) Of course, just like cockroaches, termite lives do matter in an ecological sense, as they decompose dung and vegetative debris. In many countries, they are considered a delicacy for consumption by both humans and livestock and adapted for medicinal uses.

Yesterday, the termite inspector arrived to determine treatment options. Who knew exterminators had a bureaucracy too? “Sue, you don’t have termites.” He paused. “You have dry rot.”

WTH?

“You obviously have a roof leak. It could also be on the inside of the wall, so you need to call a roofer, as soon as possible.”

Yeah, right. Good luck with that–a roofer during the monsoon. So, now I’m standing in line, awaiting a visit from my roofer, as the storm clouds form overhead, the wind rages, and the lightening skips across the sky. And to all the termites roaming our planet, my apologies. Just stay out of my territory. Thank you.

Perhaps, you recall my tale of lost luggage a month or so ago and my missing blender bottom last week. My luggage was eventually found; my blender, not. One of my longtime friends called me the other day to tell me about a simple device for luggage. While I rarely advocate for a commercial product, this one may be a keeper.

For under $28, the Apple Tag tracks your luggage. It’s a small disc you place in your suitcase, which enables you to track your bag(s) on your other Apple devices. After my last frustrating adventure in the new world of COVID travel, I will not leave home again without one. I do wish this simple device would have been available years ago; I could have used it to track my kids and their boyfriends!

You may be delighted to learn I haven’t misplaced anything this week. Just don’t ask me how long it took for me to find my sunglasses today…I was wearing them.

(I was going to blog today about the new assault rifle being sold to civilians, which is not only twice as powerful as the AR-15, but it capable of shooting through bulletproof vests. The horror of that makes me nauseous and causes me great fear for America. I believe we’ve lost both our moral compass and our minds.)

Let me assure you, I’m no Jack Reacher, nor Nancy Drew. But yesterday, I was making a fruit dessert and went to use my blender. I set the glass container on the counter and filled it with a variety of pineapple, mandarin oranges, and cherries. I opened the pantry to retrieve the bottom motorized part, and spent the next twenty minutes searching for it–to NO avail. Due to the loss of time, I was forced to adapt. This morning, I took the entire pantry apart. Of course, I discovered a lot of items I didn’t know I had. I rearranged everything and threw stuff away. (Who really saves a half-eaten small bag of chips from a holiday party?)

Regrettably, the blender bottom remains MIA. I’ve no idea when I last used it–maybe a few months ago or maybe a year ago. I was about to put the glass container in the donation box, but I knew if I did, I would eventually find the missing piece. Thus, I just shoved it back in the pantry to gather dust. If and when the occasion calls for a blender, I’ll throw another tantrum when I can’t find the bottom. I have NOT lost my moral compass, but I have, indeed, lost my mind!

Cockroaches were immortalized in Kafka’s novella, Metamorphosis, when salesman, Gregor Samsa, awakens to find himself transformed into a bug. (The Samsa bug is frequently illustrated as a cockroach.)

Several weeks ago, I was staying in a North Carolina Beach house which had an ample supply of cockroaches. Though I’m not a fan of them, I not afraid of them–even when they hiss. However, one of my guests was absolutely terrified. She screamed, as if the bejesus had stopped her heart! For some perverse reason, I found this amusing. So much so, I decided to research this ancient group with ancestors over 300 million years old.

Pundits believe cockroaches exist to make us clean our houses and shut our doors. They also justify the bugs’ existence to induce terror among both men and women–gender equality! While others posit, the exercise benefit of chasing and swatting these despicable creatures. Some folk are highly allergic to these pests, and in fact, when I had allergy tests years ago, one of my only negatives was cockroach poop!

Actually, though, cockroach lives are important: they feed on decaying matter, such as dead plants, dead animals, and animal waste. Their waste provides much needed nitrogen to the soil. Secondly, they are a primary food source for certain species of birds and small reptiles and mammals, such as mice. In some countries cockroaches are also a food source for humans, and in China, they are used for medicinal purposes, including the treatment of burns and diarrhea.

So the next time, you’re in a panic trying to terminate a roach, remember you’re messing with the ecosystem. And yes, Cathy, cockroach lives do matter.

We know the adage: Necessity is the mother of invention. Perhaps, I’m the most uncreative person around because the tools, appliances, and equipment I have each serve a certain purpose. I could no more think of turning my washing machine into a blender or converting my circular saw into a meat slicer. My brain is reserved for writing novels that combine reality with fiction to spin stories and jokes.

Last weekend the extended Mexican family I’ve known for twenty years dropped in for a pool party at my casa. Multitudes of children from 6 months to eighteen years floated around my pool with their parents and numerous inflatable rafts, tubes, and balls.. Pizza boxes, soda cans, and ice cream sticks were everywhere. And of course, there were cervezas, not in flip-top cans, but in glass bottles.

I sat down at the patio table across from the patriarch, Lorenzo. Lorenzo had been my landscaper, contractor, electrician, and my friend for over ten years. I was sipping a Miller Lite, and he got up to retrieve a Modelo from the cooler. I couldn’t believe what happened next!

Holding the beer bottle in one hand, Lorenzo picked up an errant hammer I’d neglected to stash before the party. Using the claw of the hammer, he popped off the bottle cap. I was in awe. “Lorenzo, how did you do that? I’ve never seen anyone do that! I have a kitchen drawer full of bottle openers and could have given you one.”

“Hey, Sue, you know us Mexicans, we make do with what’s available.”

Hmm. I must ponder that.

Most of us have a variety of friends: old friends from childhood and college, new friends we meet along our journey, social friends we hang out occasionally, peripheral friends (acquaintances we meet through others.) Some of us are fortunate enough to have best friends–the kind who accept all of our proclivities and still like us. Best friends are never too busy to answer our calls for help or for advice or to listen to our stories of woe. Best friends laugh with us, cry with us, and hug us when we are in need.

Even though the adage dubs “old friends as the best friends,” I recently discovered that’s not true in my case. In fact, I’ve created a new category–exceptional friend. An exceptional friend is as rare as an honest politician or a bird without feathers. Few folk could earn this distinction. In fact, in over 70 years, I never encountered anyone–until Thursday, June 30th, my grandparents’ 100th wedding anniversary.

I found my aged dog dead in the backyard. Her abdominal cavity was totally gone, like the carcass of a Thanksgiving turkey. In my hysteria, I thought she was the victim of a coyote attack. In retrospect, I believe she died due to her heart failure condition. (The vet had diagnosed 6 months-to a year survival rate almost a year ago.) Scavengers, like owl or rats, may have claimed her corpse. My grief was uncontrollable, and I was shaking so hard I could barely hold the phone when I called my next-door neighbor. Sass immediately came to my rescue. Even though she had open heart surgery eight weeks ago, she loaded the remains into a box for me and we drove to the emergency vet clinic to arrange cremation.

Granted Sass has saved me before when an errant snake slithered into my yard, she held my hand through my other crises, but what she did for me and for my beloved, fourteen-year-old Roxy was extraordinary. May you all find a rare, exceptional friend.

In 1971, the Five Man Electric Band wailed, Signs, Signs, Everywhere Are Signs. Precisely how I feel about charging cables for technology products.

I have a minimum of three drawers and several stashed boxes filled with charging cables. Of course, I’ve no idea which device uses which or if none of them do. Of course, not all of them are mine–some belong to my kids or are gifts from long gone visitors that left them to live with me. Sometimes, I feel like they multiply at night and delight in entangling themselves.

Additionally, if a dog chews a cable or I lose one for a current device, I’m forced to order another. The dilemma, at my age, is I don’t know which cable to order. Do I have a Kindle Fire 7? An 8? or a 20? Do I have an IPHONE 6,7,12? My IPAD charger and my Fit Bit charger is in my lost luggage, which probably went to live with Jesus and Jimmy Buffet’s lost salt. Thus, yesterday I rush ordered a new one. Sadly, it was NOT the correct one.

Yes, I understand free enterprise, and yes every manufacturer should be able to make their own charging cords. But why do they change the cord every time they make a new model Kindle, IPAD, IWATCH, or IPHONE? Why can’t electronic devices be universal to each manufacturer by product?

Like all of us, we have standard large and small devices in our homes from a myriad of companies from kitchen blenders and waffles irons to televisions and refrigerators. All of them come plug-in ready to use. Plug them in, and voila!

So, today I wonder why things aren’t standardized? Why do I have to know which generation I have of this Apple device or Kindle Fire? But more importantly, why can’t we all be friends? I shall ponder this at 4 am.

Sunday night–five days after the attacks on The Twin Towers, The Pentagon, and another downed aircraft in a Pennsylvania field. We decided to take our kids out to dinner to a Scottsdale Mexican restaurant; our mood was light. Our kids chatted, and we ordered our dinners. Our waiter had just finished placing steaming plates of fajitas, tacos, pollo fundido, and enchiladas in front of us. A mariachi band had positioned its members across the upstairs balcony overlooking all of we diners in the packed room below. They began to play God Bless America.

Every patron put down their forks and drinks. Everyone stood and sang boldly and proudly. At the song’s conclusion, there was no applause–just a lot of teary eyes. The background noise of a very busy restaurant was replaced with quiet subdued talk.

Fast forward twenty years: January 6, 2021. Gone was the true patriotism I had witnessed in that Mexican restaurant. I watched in horror as supposed Americans attempted to destroy the US Capitol Building. Suddenly, 233 years after the US Constitution outlined democracy, a segment of our society disregarded, disparaged, and attempted to destroy it. Their reason: Our Guy Didn’t Win.

Spare me. In every sports competition, the team with the highest score wins. In gambling, either one gets the cards or doesn’t. Miss America, the Pillsbury Bake-Off, and the Publishers’ Clearinghouse have one winner. Just because one doesn’t like the results, doesn’t call for insurrection.

Twenty years later, I feel like Rip Van Winkle. I’ve awakened to a new America that randomly kills its young and elderly, that threatens to destroy revered institutions, that spouts outrageous conspiracy theories at every turn. What ever happened to the true patriotism of Land that I Love?

On several occasions this week I was with educators. Some were classroom teachers, some were administrative secretaries, and some were principals and district superintendents. All of these occasions were social gatherings, not business meetings. As I mingled with folk, I was stunned to hear their personal “war” stories of the school year.

Their overarching conversations focused on the toxicity of others. One district office secretary said, “Sue, I hate to answer the phone. The vast majority of those calling begin with a fiery, swear-word rant about their issue from bus routes, to playground time, to cafeteria services, and of course, teacher performance. Their anger overrides any attempt to have a reasonable discussion. I’ve been so brow-beaten I decided to quit, but with the help of my husband, I learned to not internalize nastiness.”

Principals and classroom teachers are at the forefront of the educational toxic environment. Somehow, they are accountable for school violence in addition to their already cumbersome duties. Books are banned, lesson plans are questioned, assessment practices are challenged. To add further to the chaos, state legislatures and governors pass hundreds of new requirements on the institutions that were designed to ensure an educated public, ala Thomas Jefferson and Horace Mann.

Unfortunately, it seems no one is immune from rampant toxicity. An orthopedic surgeon and several others were murdered this week in a Tulsa Hospital by an angry patient. Flight attendants are shoved, hit, and even punched in the mouth by unruly passengers. Restaurant servers endure her harassment from customers, and police are the frequent victims of ambushed violence. Even fire and emergency folk are subjected to this uncontrollable cancer.

The English language has nose-dived. Gone are the words of decorum and civility. Confrontation has replaced cooperation. All of us has become you versus me. Disparaging, insulting descriptors have eradicated empathetic kind words. WHY?

The answer lies with us. Is this truly the world we want to live in–a world of hate? WE ARE BETTER THAN THIS.